As a child in the public school system in the 70s, either the teachers were lazy or they believed that the government was actually going to convert to the metric system. So we learned the metric system. Easy, breezy, that shit is. And I still don’t know how many pints are in a gallon. Thank god I still know my inches.

Feeling out of sorts? Not quite yourself? The man getting you down? I have the cure: a grilled processed cheese product sandwich and a bowl of canned tomato soup.

Comfort food is comforting…and cheap!

After all the doom and gloom in the news, I was a bit surprised to read this about black Friday weekend:

The National Retail Federation said 172 million shoppers went to stores and Web sites, a 17 percent increase from a year ago and more than a forecast of 128 million. They spent an average of $372.57, up 7.2 percent from last year

MORE people spending MORE money. How can this be?

(Insider trading puts me in the Christmas spirit (and the concert was kick ass))

I’m not so much a Christmas hater as I am a hater of Christmas lights. And it’s not so much that I hate Christmas lights as I hate people who go completely apeshit overboard on Christmas lights. It’s Christmas, not fucking Vegas.

Example (sorry for the shitty pic quality):

I guess that’s not too bad either. I don’t mind holiday light displays too much if the owners take them down (or at least turn them off) before Valentine’s Day.

This is what really got me with these people:

The blob in the the middle of the picture is faux cake that says “Happy Birthday Jesus!” on it. Great. So now this is Christmas AND a fucking birthday party too? I hate birthday parties more than I hate Christmas. It’s hard enough to find and buy a present for my asshole relatives, now I have to worry about What Would Jesus (really) Want for his birthday? Think of the pressure. You need to get something that the Son of God already doesn’t have (a Kohls gift card only works if Christ needs new sheets or some scented candles). And birthday cards are a bitch too. One of those black themed “Over the Hill” cards probably would be in bad taste. I could keep it classy with something like “two millenniums is the new one millennium, my Lord”. or a Maxine card. Everyone loves those, right?

This is scary:

Students at an Ottawa university are pulling out of a Canada-wide fundraiser that provides close to $1 million a year for cystic fibrosis research and treatment, arguing that the disease “has been recently revealed to only affect white people, and primarily men” — something experts say is untrue.

I’m thankful for Sweden (and knee high boots)

I’m thankful for old ladies (and beards)

I’m thankful for accessories (and mondegreens and Janet thanks you for the sample )

(and I’m thankful for parentheses)

I’m liking a couple of the background dancers (2:30+).

(h/t Dave and his issues)

The money keeps coming in. This time from the snail mail. Loving my readers.

So I owe col three nice things. She knows I love her. Instead of words I’m giving her pictures…

(and I spent the money wisely, col)

Fact: In order to cook and eat a turkey, you have to kill it first. Shocking, I know. So what’s the problem with Sarah Palin standing in front of someone butchering turkeys. Here’s the vid:

Yeah, it is not the best backdrop for an interview but it reinforces the point that people are too far removed from their food. That’s why I love MSNBC’s “Breaking News” running commentary at the bottom of the screen.

GOV. SARAH PALIN PARDONS TURKEY IN WASILLA

MSNBC is all about the facts, bitches!

TURKEYS DIE AS GOVERNOR PALIN TAKES QUESTIONS FROM MEDIA

Let’s hope one of them was Keith Olbermann

GOV. SARAH PALIN KEEPS TALKING WHILE TURKEYS GET SLAUGHTERED BEHIND HER

What? You want her to have a moment of silence?

TURKEY KILLING FOWLS PALIN NEWS CONFERENCE

Ugh. News puns suck.

GOV. PALIN APPARENTLY OBLIVIOUS TO TURKEY CARNAGE OVER HER SHOULDER

Like Jamie said.

GOV. PALIN NOT REALIZING THE INCONGRUITY OF HER WORDS VERSUS HER BACKDROP

This I don’t get. Where’s the incongruity? She wants to eat a turkey.